jay has gotten me, unwillingly, involved in a chain letter, blog style. now I have to write five things about myself that other people previously didn’t know or I will die by midnight.
1. a girl made a comment about me in 6th grade saying my eyelashes were long like a girl’s. I did the only thing any self-respecting guy would do in that situation: I cut them off with a pair of scissors. the result was a look not to be repeated. and they grew back slowly, continuously poking me in the eyes. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend trying this yourself.
2. in the third grade, I hated school. so much, in fact, that I would go into the bathroom and make vomiting noises for a few minutes and then ask to go to the nurses office until my mom came to pick me up. she got sick of this after a few times and had unnecessary surgery performed on me to make me stop. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend trying this yourself.
3. in 6th grade I lived in okinawa, and we had this giant tree in our backyard that was great for climbing. I had procured some rope from a nearby construction site so that I could use it as a makeshift elevator to one of the higher branches. from this high branch, I tied a loop into one end of the rope, hung it over the branch, and put my foot into the loop. I successfully lowered myself down to about eight feet from the ground using the branch as a pulley when I got stuck. the rope had snagged on the branch, so I decided to jump down. immediately after pulling the rope off my foot I realized it was the only thing preventing gravity from slamming me into the ground. so doing the only thing I could think of, I slammed into the ground. hard. flat on my back. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend trying this yourself.
4. also in okinawa, the local youth hangout had a bmx dirtbike racetrack that I enjoyed riding on. part of this course was a series of three small hills that I normally took slowly, but I decided to be daring and try to go fast enough to jump over the last two. I did not succeed. luckily, I cushioned my fall with my face. however, I cannot, in good conscience, recommend trying this yourself.
5. I was getting into trouble in the 2nd grade for not paying attention in class. my mom had a meeting with the teacher to tell her I was always distracted and inattentive. after the meeting, my mom asked me what I was daydreaming about so much that I was getting on trouble. I told her that I was daydreaming about the hostess cupcake I was going to get when I got home. she stopped giving me hostess cupcakes after school. that’s what I got for being honest, so I cannot, in good conscience, recommend trying this yourself.
since this is a chain letter, I will pass this on to the good ladies of “just give me money”. so suck on this sarah, sarah, jade, bess, and mandy! and, what the heck, siobhan and al, too.
